trying to write.

I’ve been feeling unmotivated since the start of January. Not about exercise, as discussed in my last post, but towards creativity. My writing. I have been working and studying a lot, so I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about it, but even this blog has been a game of catch-up when I want to prioritise the things I love.

So here I am, trying.

Just like with exercise, I don’t want to force myself to do something, do it out of guilt, or make it a chore. But I also want to be disciplined in my writing. I want to be able to feed my creativity even when I do not feel largely inspired. What’s the balance? How do I practice this thing that I want to do more than anything without taking the love out of it?

I’m trying to find the balance.

I mentioned this in my last post, but I am now working three days instead of five because I start full-time uni at the start of March. That gives me all of February (someone explain to me why my month-long break happens to fall on the shortest month of the year?) to explore a rhythm that will work for me.

What I’m reminding myself is, what works for me now is not the answer for the rest of my life. Different seasons come with different commitments, energy levels, scheduling, priorities. That’s why I want to use February to try and find a routine – though perhaps not so strict as that – that will work for me when I’m back at uni.

With the warm weather, I’ve been waking up earlier than normal without an alarm, and I’m trying to use that extra time to write.

Now, writing for me doesn’t mean I’m adding 5,000 words to a novel every morning. Sometimes it’s journaling and praying! Talking to God often unlocks creativity in me, and a poem will form naturally in my quiet time. They aren’t necessarily ‘used’ for anything, but it shows that my spirituality and creativity are connected.

Other times it’s writing a blog post or idea for one. I love when I open my blog-post-folder and find a bunch of ideas ready to be expanded. Some are deleted, but others turn into longer pieces that I love. Sometimes you just need give an idea a bit of time and reflection.

I have a large desk that sits under my window, so I can write my stories and look up at the sky, look up at the blooming flowers. It’s a beautiful, creative space that brings me peace. I love writing here. I also love dreaming about where I will write in the future. But for now, it is here, at my desk surrounded by plants.

I begin to write…

Sarah xx

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