Turn On the Tap

I want to do the difficult things. The things that pull me somewhere my nature does not necessarily want to go.

It is easier to not spend my time well. It is easier to do the bare minimum and spend time on something that has a quicker turnaround of achievement or productivity, instead of say, sitting down and writing a novel. That you might not see the results of for years, if at all.

I realised today that when I’m reading or writing, I’m thinking of it as a filler activity. I’m thinking of it as the time-waster in between doing other things. Yes, you can spend half an hour on this, but then you need to go and do something else more important.

I’m actually not sure why this is, when I’d say that reading and writing are at least as important as most other things I do, if not more. Reading and writing are both valuable, regardless if you see yourself as ‘a writer’; I don’t think you’d need to look very far to find the benefits of journalling, or of reading a wide range of books.

I spent some time writing today. Not much time, in the grand scheme of things. But I’m trying to tell myself that time spent this way is valuable. That I don’t need to check the clock and rush to the next thing. This is the thing.

But it is easier not to do it. Sitting at a laptop, or with a notebook and pen, when you feel like you have nothing to say? That’s not a fun way to spend your time! It feels like a waste because it seems like nothing is happening. But the reality is that I’m rarely struck by an idea if I’m not first sitting at the computer and trying. The idea normally comes once I’m set up and going about it; it flows from what is already being done.

A phrase often attributed to high school English teachers is to turn on the tap. A lot of what you write to begin with is not very good, but you need to get through it to get to the good stuff. The clarity, the refinement, that solid idea, only appears once the water is running clear; you need to get the muck out first. How can we assume that by not doing something, we’ll have a breakthrough? How can I expect my vague idea to become a fully formed plot if it only ever stays in my head?

For a long time now, I’ve been stuck on the first chapter of a novel I’m writing. But I actually need to practice writing past that point, knowing I can go back and edit it later. Knowing I can go back and make the start what it needs to be once I’ve gotten past that hurdle. No first chapter will be perfect the first time you write it.

I was writing some fiction earlier this afternoon. Turning on the tap. I think it’s a short story and I don’t think it’s very good. Clearing out the muck. At some point, the water will run clear and I’ll follow it to the end. But I can only do that if I actually sit down and face those difficult minutes of not knowing how to say what I want to say.

Maybe I’ll finish that short story today, maybe it will remain as is forever. Either way, it has done what I need it to do for everything I will go on to write in the following days. For now, I think I will read until dinner, knowing there isn’t anything else I should be doing instead.

Sarah xx