Dear reader,
Someone recently asked me how I ended up where I am now. I stumbled through the here’s and there’s of the last seven years, and they responded with it sounds like you were searching for something.
Ordinarily, this kind of comment would embarrass me. The admission of trying to find something, of trying to understand.
But if we’re being honest – which is, in part, what this newsletter is about – that’s exactly what it is. When I took my gap year that turned into two, I was looking for more of God. When those two years were finished I went looking for some semblance of adulthood; I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I ended up writing an (unpublished) novel and getting a job before launching into my next move. I then lived in Sydney for two and a half years, where I was looking for a place to belong. What I thought would be home became temporary.
After leaving Sydney in July, I am still searching. For community and connection. These things take time. But I feel I will be here for a while, able to rest and breathe and give. This is where I have my own place and a place to share.
Maybe it is embarrassing to say I have always been searching for something. But in all these periods of my life – separated quite nicely with a new landscape – God has made Himself wholly available. I have found Him, over and over again, amidst the moves and the hopes that come with them. He has taught me lessons I did not know I needed, preparing my heart for what was to come. While I have had ups and downs, I have not been so shaken in my relationship with God. He has been constant, stable, and open. He has answered every prayer.
No matter what I have been looking for, Jesus has shown me He is always the answer. When I make myself available to finding what it is I seek, I find God waiting for me. I have not felt disappointed by God in a long time. I thought I would be after my last breakup and the time it took to get there, but I have not blamed God yet. Simply, what’s done is done and I remain unmoved in faith.
I hope I am always searching. Because that means I am wanting more of God.
Sarah xx
Creative things I’ve been doing:
- Started a new cross-stitch project. A small one, featuring three birds and the line “hope is a song for the heart”. Maybe it sounds cliché, but I think the sentiment will do well in my new home.
- Finally finished reading I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith – which was very good by the way. The ending justified the slow start. I am now halfway through Wild by Cheryl Strayed, which is the memoir of a woman who hikes the Pacific Crest Trail after the death of her mum and a divorce.
- I’ve been getting into a routine of walking and writing in the mornings. So far I feel better physically and mentally. By the time my walk is done and I have had my quiet time with God, the wanting to write comes naturally. (This should not surprise me.)
- Last weekend I made my own flat breads, and they actually turned out pretty good. But why do recipes tell you things will cook in half the time it really takes?
the softest words 