At the beginning of the year, I didn’t really think about the fact that it was, in fact, a new year. I was more aware that I wanted things to continue as they were; a steady, slow walk where things didn’t change too much. I didn’t feel like making plans or reflecting on the year that was finished. I just wanted to continue on, with God, as I had been.
While this still rings true in many respects, I have come to a point where I am thinking about the future again. Not in a resolution-y way, but perhaps being in my final year of university, something in me knows I have to think about the future or I might combust come graduation.
Admittedly, I have been writing less these days. All my energy has been spent on essays and blog posts. I’m not mad about it; I love investing in my blog and know that it is something I want to continue as long as possible. No matter what season of life I’m in, writing is such a good thing for me, and to capture a thought and make it available for others makes it somehow easier for me, too.
It’s more that writing essays makes it difficult for me to focus on writing a novel. Blog posts are – in some ways – easier because they are shorter and relatively unrelated.
But I know myself, and I know inspiration is so easy and it is the action that takes effort and ugliness. By this I mean I know there comes a point when I need to just do the writing even when I am not feeling the writing.
In saying this, my essays have to be the priority, and someday soon I won’t have them anymore, freeing me up for more time and room in my brain for other projects.
To get to the point, I am working on a novel and I am hoping it goes somewhere. But I am not working on it as much as I would like. But I am working on it as much as I can. In thinking of the future, I don’t want to graduate with a blank document and nothing on the horizon. But also, graduating will allow more time to fill in that document and seek out opportunities.
It’s a balance, as it always will be. I will always have other commitments and I will always have to learn how to spend time doing what doesn’t pay. Of course I believe in doing art without purpose or reason, but also – I need an income. And if writing does not do that, priorities will need to be sorted out. I still remember my first lecturer commenting that the struggle for writers is becoming a writing teacher and though you’re sharing the craft, you spend no time actually doing it.
I am so grateful for my university degree and the units I have been able to participate in. Overall, it has been an incredibly positive experience and I have not faced any particular struggles in my studies. While it isn’t a degree with an obvious job lined up for me at the end, I have no doubt that it was God’s leading for me to do it and that it has benefited me.
So I’ll keep writing to the best of my ability, some days more than others, and continue to figure it out as I go.
Oh the joy!