I’m starting a new category on my blog about femininity, and already have several ideas for future posts discussing how I cultivate femininity in different aspects of my life. I thought it would be good to introduce the topic, however, and share some context so you know what to expect.
While the past few years have involved me growing in femininity and exploring this topic, I have avoided speaking directly about it on my blog because there is part of me afraid of judgement. I’m worried that someone who knows me in person would read this and think, but Sarah isn’t feminine! Why is she writing about it?
But it’s a constant journey and I’m passionate about it, so I thought it could be interesting to write about from my perspective as I change, grow, and mature. Especially because I am coming at it from a different angle to what is popular on the internet.
Many traditionally feminine women who have large followings online are married and may have children (that I have seen; of course there would be traditional single women out there too!). Many do not need to work because their husband provides for them. This means their content largely surrounds those traditional gender roles and cultivating femininity in the home and in these relationships. While I agree with the more traditional roles of gender in marriage and would like to be a stay-at-home mum one day, I am currently independent and unmarried. I do need to work to support myself, which means I can discuss femininity in the workplace and in my finances as well as other areas.
I also have a flatmate, and where we live is actually her house. This means the only area that contains my furniture and décor is my bedroom. I have cupboard space in the kitchen and bathroom, but I am not in control of what the house looks like. However, I take pride in what I can control, and that is cleaning the house as well as how I cultivate femininity in my bedroom.
When we hear the word “femininity” I think we can think of a stereotypical “girly girl”. Maybe someone who wears a lot of makeup, likes to shop, and loves the colour pink.
While some women contain aspects of this, femininity is so much more than that!
I firmly believe that femininity begins on the inside rather than what we look like on the outside. Every woman is beautiful and can cultivate femininity while staying true to her passions, her culture, her values, her style. Being feminine is not a weakness and does not mean every woman is the same.
I personally don’t wear makeup and rarely step out in high heels. I have short hair and don’t own a lot of clothes. My favourite colour is pink, though! I love to sew, cook, and garden, but that does not mean I am more feminine than adventurous or sporty women. As I said, femininity is about staying true to your interests and enjoying those things! Femininity is, in part, about investing in those things that make us come alive.
For me, it is also tied to authenticity.
I don’t want to obsess over my looks or being superficially beautiful, but I also don’t want to downplay my femininity because I’m embarrassed, ashamed, or scared to look and act like a woman. I find in this society we go from one extreme to the other. We see models and celebrities who have curves in all the right places, they have clear skin and shiny hair and they show us makeup and clothing hauls. But on the other end we see fashion leaning towards more masculine looks, with a rise of comfortable, shapeless hoodies and pants.
I’m not here to tell you that you need to wear flowery dresses every day, or that you can’t wear your comfortable jumpers. I’m simply here to share my journey as I try to embrace my own femininity in a world where it can be scary to do so! To be authentic to yourself and what you believe.
I know how easy it is to wear sneakers with a dress to look more casual. Wearing sandals seems too much when all your friends might show up in jeans! I know what it’s like to want to hide in the background and have no one notice you.
Embracing your femininity might make you stand out, and that can be uncomfortable when you’re not used to attention or trying something new. But I’m learning to be unashamed of who I am and what I love. That momentary awkwardness as I show up in a skirt, or tell people about a hobby, or that I’m not career driven, is worth it for the growth in being true to myself and in becoming the woman I want to be.
I’m excited to share it with you!