Begin (written by Sarah Bennett)
You ask me how I am.
I want to say,
I have found light in poetry, light in people who once stood where I stand today.
I have found myself in the smallest of places but I did not shrink myself down to fit there, I simply sat and listened to my heart beat and found myself amongst the lavender.
I have found time is not always straight forward and neither is healing.
I have found you in places we have not been together and I have forgotten you in places you took me. I still do not know if this is a victory or betrayal.
You ask me how I am.
I do not tell you.
I think this is the beginning.
Between June and September I wrote a lot of sad love poems, which was a very cathartic experience. This poem is one of my most recent ones. A poem written when I wasn’t really sad anymore but still had some experiences to process.
The sad poems I wrote are strange to look back on, because I no longer feel most of the emotion that went into them. Yes, I experienced what I wrote, but there’s distance between me and that place now. Which is a mix of healing and moving on, but also just time itself. I don’t think time is ‘healing’, as people might say, but it is a measure of moving forward and getting on with things and leaving other things behind. Time changes our perspective, time means we’re not as close to something as we once were.
Because of this, I am hesitant to repost all of my sad poems. While I do want to share and be open, they are no longer a complete representation of my heart or how I’m feeling. They are more a landmark of what I went through at one specific time of my life. And while I think it’s important to be honest and true, I don’t want my blog to be just negative. I don’t want a poetry book to be just sad. When someone reads my writing, I want to invite them into hope and peace and faith as well as honesty and the acknowledgement of hurt.
That’s why I think I’ll post poetry every two or three weeks and try to show a variety of those older poems as well as some more joyful ones; both are true representations of me and my life. Both are honest and open. I want my blog and my poetry to give a fuller picture, which means sharing not just one aspect.
Happy Creative Friday! See you next week.