It’s hard to believe it’s nearly Christmas. On one hand this year has felt like the longest year in the world, but in other ways it’s flown by. And then I remember that every year feels this way, that every year is built of lingering hours and rushing days.
I don’t know if this will make sense, but this year I’ve been acutely aware of feeling my age. In years past, I found myself feeling too young or too old for my age group. But this year, particularly these last few months, I look in the mirror and I see a 22-year-old and I feel like I am that person.
I don’t know what’s changed, and I certainly don’t know if anyone else would agree, but I’m enjoying it. I feel like I fit into my own life, like I’ve finally grown into the coat I threw on a few years ago before walking out into the snowstorm.
That’s not to say I’ve been wearing clothes that were two sizes too big for the last few years, because I look back and I can see moments when the sleeves weren’t too long and I can see moments when I wasn’t swallowed by fabric.
Have I taken this metaphor too far? Probably.
But just as there have been moments when the coat fits perfectly, so have there been times when it’s grown or I’ve shrunk and I haven’t had a good grasp on what’s going on around me.
Oh, the metaphor’s back with a vengeance.
I’ve started projects and I’ve finished projects and I’ve given up on projects. I’ve built relationships and I’ve sunk relationships and there are relationships I’m continually trying to figure out.
I’ve deleted more words than I’ve written but my love for blogging has grown immensely, and I’m more comfortable with what I want to say and how I want to say it. I’ve disliked my looks and I’ve loved my looks and I’ve told you about it. I’ve wasted time and I’ve hoarded time.
This year has been full, but I have filled it with things I love. (Things I don’t like too, because that’s reality, but mostly things I like.)
I’m sure there’ll be more posts to come reflecting on the year that we’ve had, especially as we come up to my blogging anniversary – three years, baby! But you know I can’t say no to a vaguely deep blog post about life in general that doesn’t tell you much about me at all.
Although I will tell you this; I cut my hair today, on a whim. I am now a proud owner of a front-fringe, which I never thought I’d do again after that month in 2013. But we don’t talk about that.
Wishing all you campers a lovely December and Christmas season.
Sarah xx
the softest words 