I like preparing for things. Being thrown into the deep end is something that can be a bit of a hit and miss with me; you’ll never know if I’ll appreciate or if I’ll freak out.
If, for example, someone told me I had to spontaneously give a speech or sing for worship, I would love to. I’d jump at the chance to. But if someone told me they were going to spontaneously take me on a hike, I’d probably curl up and cry.
I’ve been thinking about preparation because this morning I started preparing for my baptism. I’m getting baptized in March, but as part of my homework, I suppose I’ll call it, I’ve been given a list of Bible verses to read and meditate on.
I started that this morning, and loved it. That’s the right kind of preparation; to make sure you have the right motivations for doing something. Godly preparation is the best kind, like, for example, praying that someone will have peace before doing a test.
What I’ve learnt is that sometimes preparation is good, but sometimes it’s good to be thrown into something. Okay, the word thrown probably doesn’t have the best connotations, but my point remains. Instead of being prepared for everything, I’ve been practising the art of not knowing. Last year, as part of my character growth, I was only told the basic information, the necessities. Things would be thrown at us as we needed to know them, meaning that for some things I didn’t have the time or knowledge to freak out about them. Asking questions is good, sure. I love asking questions. But I’m learning to love going with the flow, because a lot of the time I suck at it. But it’s one of those things I need as a balance, so sometimes it’s good to know while other times it’s good to not know.
If someone had told me this time last year that I would be writing a blog in a year, (other than being slightly impressed at myself for finally doing the dang thing), I probably would’ve freaked out and gone on a frenzy of trying to write all of these witty/interesting/intelligent/amusing blog posts, trying to perfect my writing style, or whatever. But instead I’m on this journey of writing even when I don’t feel like it, of writing when I feel like I have nothing to say, of posting something online even if I’m not happy with it. This blog isn’t about perfectionism, it’s about who I am as a person, and seeing how I grow.
If someone had told me this time last year that I would end up performing on my graduation, both singing and playing guitar, I definitely would’ve freaked, because I picked up a guitar for the first time in October, and I would have been way too scared to sing in front of anybody.
I hope you take the chance and just step out sometimes.