The Art of Loving First

Carson McCullers once said that “First of all, love is a joint experience between two persons – but the fact it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved.”

This isn’t a blog post about boyfriend/girlfriend, but about love in general, in all our everyday relationships. I was talking to a friend this morning, and she said something that really hit me, and I don’t think I’ll forget it in a hurry. She was saying that a lot of people wait to be loved. They won’t apologise first, because they feel that the other person needs to. They won’t approach without invitation, because they feel that they might not be wanted.

How many times do we simply wait for the other person? How often do you wait for them to say hi first, wait for them to knock on your door first, wait for them to want to be with you first? Loving someone else first can be risky, there’s no point in denying it, because there’s that fear of ‘what if they reject me?’

But what if they’re thinking the same thing, and that’s why they never approach you? If no one loves first, you may lose the opportunity for a great relationship. Love, not always for the purpose of being loved back, but because you want to love the other person. Encourage because you want to build them up, not because you want them to like you.

Put yourself in their shoes, seriously. Learn their heart, see what it’s like from their side. It may feel like they’re being critical towards you, and I’m not saying this is right, but maybe that’s just because they’ve placed high expectations on themselves, and they don’t know they’re being critical. It may feel like they’re rejecting you, but maybe that’s just because they’re insecure and aren’t sure of how you feel about them. People are good at wearing masks to disguise how they really feel, but if you look for their heart, you might be pleasantly surprised.

How many times have I missed out on the chance to have a good conversation because I’ve been too afraid to initiate something? Or those other times, when I have initiated, and it’s resulted in something good good good?

To the quote at the beginning, it’s true that sometimes love within two people means something different for both of them. And yet, I encourage you to love without limits.

Sarah xx

“Being in love with someone who doesn’t even know you exist is like passing in a term paper that you know sucked, but having that period of time where you haven’t gotten your grade back yet -that kind of exhale where you haven’t been rejected, although you pretty much know how it’s going to turn out.” – Tonya Hurley.

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